Changes Beyond Belief

To say that my neglect for this blog has been abysmal would be a great, great understatement.

I have realized that in the past, having a blog has been something I’ve really enjoyed. The reason for that? I’m not quite sure. It’s not like I ever had some booming success with my blog. I didn’t have much interaction, other than an occasional comment here and there. In high school it was a venue for me to share funny stories, post pictures, and scribe some vague, angsty thoughts that brewed from hormones and high school.

Since I began college, it hasn’t been as consistent, and I almost feel I’ve given into an idea that what I’m writing isn’t marketable. Who really cares what I’m saying? What is  my niche? Isn’t this just like all of the other zoobie blogs that is relatively unimpressive and unoriginal?

Maybe. But, I guess those aren’t the reasons I blogged for in the past, and I may have lost sight of that.

Even though in school it’s awful and stressful and time consuming, writing is something I actually enjoy. I have lists and lists of things that I could do better in my writing when it comes to research papers and press releases. However, Having a space where I can just express ideas, tell stories, and record experiences is healthy and helpful for me.

There’ll be typos. Fragmented sentences for sure. But, considering the thought to start blogging again has prompted my mind consistently for the past few months, I guess I’ll give in.

 

To the two people (if that) that may stumble across this, WELCOME. This is a safe place.

 

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Changes Beyond Belief

Musings From McKann

There have been so many different things that have been on my mind in the past few months.

Of course, there’s going to be somewhat of a transition coming home from a mission. But, if I’m being perfectly honest, I don’t really feel like it was hard at ALL to come home. I wasn’t awkward (any more than I just already was as a person anyway). I wasn’t freaked out by the real world. I didn’t just always want to do church stuff. I didn’t keep waking up at 6:30 am and going to bed by 10:30 pm. I just didn’t have a hard time returning back to “normal” life.

There’s probably a few reasons for this. But the two that have been the most prominent to me are that, first of all, I’ve never had a hard time with transitions. I couldn’t really tell you why that is. It’s just never been a hard thing. Change is constant, and it is inevitable. So why not enjoy it? And, second of all, I just knew that eventually, my mission would end. And whether that would be a great thing, a horrible thing, or somewhere in between… it was a fact. I accepted that fact the second that I accepted the idea that I would serve.

But, in the midst of all this “not-so-difficult-transition” period, I have had so many wonderful moments of reflection and pensiveness. I feel that one of the great blessings that came from serving a mission and dedicating such an extended period of time to any one activity (let alone such a great a work as sharing the Gospel), is that it seems as though my mind has just gained a greater capacity. It really seems like I’ve been able to think about things more clearly, and with broader perspective than ever before.

Some thoughts, for example:

>>We really don’t understand our potential a lot of the time. I have thought so much about this! We are literally sons and daughters of an omniscient being; an Almighty God. How phenomenal! Do we really believe that? Do we really understand that we have divine DNA? I think that there are moments where we understand this. For me, I feel that when I have total clarity in my mind about a specific subject or issue that I’ve been pondering. It’s almost like I feel like I can see something from beginning to end in a spiritual sense. I don’t necessarily know all the details in the situation, but I can feel peace about it and I understand my role in a situation. There is so much power when we understand our divine heritage.

>>In general, we have expectations for what we want. We have these “ideals” that we’ve set in place of how we want to be treated, or what we want to happen in our lives. But because of a number of different influences (self doubt, culture, social pressures, etc.), we don’t act in harmony with what those desires are. A simple example? Everyone likes to feel loved and appreciated. But for some reason it is seen as awkward or “too forward” when we tell people things we admire about them. I have had so many times where I have debated giving someone a sincere compliment because I didn’t want it to be taken the wrong way. Another example is similar but one that I’ve thought about a lot. Think about just about everyone you know who has criteria for marriage that’s anything similar to “I want to marry my best friend.” I’m sure we’ve all heard someone say this. In fact, I think this is something that most of us say ourselves! But then, when it comes down to it, we won’t date our best friends. Instead we play silly mind games that make dating difficult and discouraging. What stops us from dating our best friends? Social pressures and culture, mostly. And that can be really unfortunate, I think.

>>God answers small prayers. Seriously! That’s one of those things you kind of just have to test out. But I had the simplest experience the other day. I asked Heavenly Father for something that I even classified to Him as “silly.” It was a sincere request, but it felt silly even asking for it. In the clearest, most deliberate way, that simple,”silly” prayer was answered.

>>This world is such a beautiful one and we are so blessed to live on earth. Even the fact that we have oxygen to breathe is a miracle in and of itself. But I’ve spent some time up in the mountains skiing recently, and even if the snow conditions are less than ideal for skiing, I find myself sitting on the lift just in awe and the majesty that is all around me–the divinely handcrafted beauty that I get to intake just because. The beauties of nature aren’t really a necessity for our salvation. But they are definitely a consistent reminder to me of my Supreme Creator and His magnificence.

>>I love people. So much. I think if I could just take weeks and weeks to talk with individuals and learn more about them and what makes them tick, I would never get bored. There have been a few people recently that I’ve been blessed to get to know more personally. And like anything else, the more I know, the less I realize I know. I learn more details about their lives and what makes them who they are… and then, undoubtedly, I leave those conversations with a thirst and a desire to ask more questions and intake more information. And, quite honestly, I think that comes from really caring about those people. People are amazingly fascinating. When you find those people that you just want to learn more and more about, hold onto them for a little while. They aren’t commonplace.

>>I am so blessed. I really am. I think about that on a daily basis.

… And I honestly don’t know where that was all going too much, other than the fact that I haven’t written in a while. And I’ve had some thoughts. And I haven’t put them into formulated sentences.

I guess to sum things up, the past three months have been an adventure. I sometimes wonder if I ever served a mission because it feels like I’ve been home for a LIFETIME. I’ve learned and grown immensely in such a short time–something I definitely did not anticipate before making it home.

Life is so good, folks. Remember that. And more importantly, BELIEVE IT.

Musings From McKann

Am I Dreaming?

Currently I’m about as relaxed as I have been in a while.

After having a brutal beginning of the week (including 13 hours of school, laundry, minimal sleep, being sick, three midterms, 18 hours of work and about 8 hours of full-out study time in the library), I ventured up to Park City with my Nana and two sisters, Nyia and Gillian. Somehow my Nana is just a miracle worker and she managed to get us free ski passes and an overnight stay at the Canyons Resort, so we’re taking full advantage.

We checked in to our room with a full kitchen, dining room, two bathrooms, and incredibly comfortable beds, and went straight to the outlets. I usually hate shopping, but somehow I managed to find quite a few good finds for my mission, which was a huge relief seeing as I’ve been quite stressed about how I’m possibly going to find eight outfits that are all interchangeable and will last for 18 months. Then, we went to eat at Main Street Pasta & Noodle Co. and it was delicious. BBQ wings, veggie pasta and Santa Fe chicken pizza. And unlimited hot chocolate.

Wrapping up the night, we came back to the hotel and Nyia and Gillian quickly changed into their swimming suits to go enjoy the outdoor heated pool and hot tubs. As is typical, I forgot my swimming suit in my car at home and decided to take a hot bath. Aromatherapy bubble bath with Ed Sheeran on the iHome (provided by the hotel, of course).

Now, I’m sitting in a lovely plush chair next to the fireplace, drinking a steamer in my terrycloth robe, writing a blog post and thinking about a beautiful day on the slopes tomorrow.

Pure bliss. I could get used to this.

Am I Dreaming?